i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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