i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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