In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
