it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize