...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Drake has all the answers
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
