There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just want nice things and good sex
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
