thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
