I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
