Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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