I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
