I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
