Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
please don't ironically join a cult
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