So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
