Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
