you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
