Cold hands, warm shart.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
