Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
pray to the hookup gods
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
