Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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