the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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