Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
