like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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