So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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