I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
