there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My penis needs a shock collar
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
