ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
