Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
