at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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