yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Life is so much better after having sex.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
