I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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