i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
