Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I could fuck to npr.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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