I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
