Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
