just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
