I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
