I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
