I heard we made out
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
