You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
