Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
