Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
