Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
