saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
