I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
