she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
