Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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