I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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