We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
