we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
