If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
