meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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